And I linger on, like I always do.

I turned slowly to look at you. Your eyes closed and your breathing steady, in tune with the slow pitter-patter of the rain tapping on the glass your head rested on. The bus roared forward and for a second, I feared that it would wake you up but all it made you do was re-adjust and you were back where you were.

I rested my chin on my palm, observing you. Such a beautiful face. My eyes caressed every inch of your face, wondering how many times I had done this and how it still gives me ripples in my stomach and how I imagine you would open one eye and say Stop watching me and I would blush and turn away but how it never happened and till that moment arrived, I would enjoy this silent entertainment everytime you fall asleep on the bus.

Looking at you, I think about how I've waited and waited and waited and whether it was worth the wait. I think about how if you decide to go one day, I could not blame you because you had never asked for exclusive rights, but that I had given it to you voluntarily. That you had my heart in your pocket, but again, I had placed it there, giving you a responsibility you still don't know you have. I think about how you come into my mind ever so often and I wonder if I come into yours as often; if at all.

And then my thoughts wander to those ephemeral moments when I see you look at me like you want to say something but you never never do. Or those times when you reach out as if to brush something off my shoulder only to point and tell me there's something there. Or when we were about to cross big roads and you have a small smile on your face knowing that I was scared but I would not say anything and how you know I needed you then. And how I know you would cross these big roads on purpose even though the traffic lights weren't far off because you liked feeling like you were needed.


I sighed, realizing how much of myself is you. And how its sad that you would never know.