Take a Trip to my Heart

again, you reach out for my hand. for the third time, i pulled back & sharply turned my head away. even looking at you is repulsive, unthinkable, kind.

i blinked back the tears furiously, violently even. there was no way you would get the satisfaction of seeing me cry. these tears aren't for you. they're for me! for eight years' worth of sacrifice, for loving, for caring, for giving, for falling. these tears are for my heart. my poor poor heart. a heart configured to love one; to love you. a heart so punctured now, it'd take all of earth's breeze to inflate it again.

i used to see you when i close my eyes, but now all i see is your arched back, her long brown hair and her legs spread apart, our bed (our bed!) and hearing her sated sighs and your throaty moan. you don't know it, but i've just died. i've left my family & friends back home to be with you! left without goodbyes, without "do keep in touch", without a trace. without you, i have nothing else to live for but myself. but that isn't a consolation.


giving in to my heart's anguish, i stood up abruptly, the chair falling behind me. i pushed my way out, leaving you to look at my disappearing back with longing; as one longs for something definitively lost.