Parte Dos - Raj

I got out the door, Mairah's beautiful face & gentle voice fresh in my mind. I had missed her when she was gone. No, I corrected myself, I had gone away. I had left her; my greatest love; the only woman I had ever dreamt of having children and growing old with.

I met Colin and he brought me to the room I would be working in. I had a 2month contract to design and paint the room. This room was to be the Psychomotor Room where the kids would learn to walk without help and learn how to balance. I smiled proudly at the thought that Mairah owned this place, this school she had always dreamt of since we were teens. My girl - how strong & determined & good she was.

Suddenly my cellphone rang. It was Sumithra.

"Hello."
"Hey baby. Did you find the place?"
"Yeah. I got here an hour ago."
"That's good. Okay then, I gotta rush. Have a good day. I'll call you later okay?"
"Sure."
"Love you."
"Me too."

I hung up, feeling down. Sumithra, or Sumi as we call her, is my fiance. She's a good woman. She takes good care of me and she loves me. But do you love her? a voice inside me probed. There was nothing not to love about her. She's smart, beautiful and funny. I was a lucky man, I know that.

But seeing Mairah again after all these years unnerved me. Sumithra paled in comparison with her. Mairah was the only one I ever loved. Sure, we had been teenagers then but we loved with an intensity that was unrivalled; or atleast thats what it felt like then.

I was glad the room was empty besides me. I pushed open the windows, inviting the sounds of the rumbling buses and the light rays into the unpainted room. I lit up a cigarette and & took a long puff.

We were 15 when we first met. I was reckless, impulsive and didn't give a damn about anyone or anything. Mairah had just moved and joined our school. We had the same breaks and always saw each other in the library. I spent all my time reading about Che, Fidel Castro, Socialism and Marxism, and she, Chicken Soup for the Soul. I laughed at the trash she used to read.

One day I was sitting down a few shelves behind her, sketching her profile. She rarely moved or adjusted he position and her concentration and focus enthralled me like a moth attracted to light, not to mention her soft hair and downcast eyes and the occasional twitching of her button nose. She was the most adorable thing. I was busy shading her hair when suddenly a voice said Excuse me. I looked up and she was a feet away from me! I tried to cover her sketch but I need not have worried, she only wanted to put her book back and I was the obstruction. I got off the floor and she squeezed herself between me and the shelf. It was the closest I had been to her. I usually watched her from afar. She put her book back, gave me a small smile that made me weak and walked off. And I finally remembered how to breathe again.

That was the first words she said to me & I knew I had to hear her voice again. After that, I turned up for lectures because there was a chance she might be sitting within my earhot. Several times she was, & her easy laughter and soft voice warmed me like hot chocolate and I was smitten.

After that first time, I made sure she was always near enough just in case I got the courage to approach her. One day I did and my life hadn't been the same since.

We talked till early morning, both refusing to hang up. We went out secretly and took long walks. She made me realize I wasn't useless after all. She enjoyed listening to me talk about revolutions and wars and different political ideologies, and she bought me a proper drawing book and quality pencils and paints and brushes for my 16th birthday. We were an item by then, to the surprise of all our friends. Her friends didn't trust me and my friends thought I had gone mad. Their unacceptance and warnings only served to make our bond elusive, more special than it already was. We needed each other and no one else.

She laughed easily, loved openly and she was so warm and caring that everyone loved her. We had been together for almost 3years by then and I wanted her to meet my parents. She was reluctant and nervous and tried her best to get out of it & I coaxed her for days before she finally relented.

"You'll have to meet them some day"
"I know but not now, not at this age"
"Haha then when? Come on, they'll love you"
"They wont"
"Don't be silly. Of course they will. You're sweet and caring and gorgeous and lovely and . . "

"I'm Muslim, Raj." she interrupted.
"And I'm Hindu. So?"
"So they'll hate me. I know they will"
"They wont"
"How do you know?"
"Because I love you. And if they can't see that, then they lose me"
"Come on Raj . ."
"I mean it. If they don't accept you, I'll leave them"
"Raj there's no need for all this. Why don't I meet them when we're older? When we have this sorted out . . "
"No Mairah, its now or never. Do it for me. Please"

And she could never say no to me so the weekend was set.

She came 5mins early and when I opened the door, she looked like an angel. She was wearing her headscarf as I had feared but other than that, she was perfect. I smiled widely at her discomfort and her obvious shyness and took her hands in mine and squeezed them.

"Come, I'll show you my mother."

"Ma! Ma! She's here." My mother bustled out of her kitchen and upon setting her eyes on my beautiful Mairah, her eyes hardened and her normally-jovial face was set in a fierce glare. Mairah started to move forward to greet her when my mother spoke.

"This is your friend Raj?"

I put my arms around Mairah and said Yes. And that was when she started. She spoke in Tamil and said how I'd disgraced the family and was incapable of doing anything right. She shouted and screamed and tha this girl (referring to my Mairah) was going to brainwash me and make me convert into Islam and she started hitting me and asking me what she had done to deserve this. All the while, Mairah looked at the screaming mother & son pair in horror and tears in her eyes. I wanted so badly to comfort her & tell her everything was fine but clearly it was not and I had spent all my energy screaming & defending myself and Mairah and our love that I didn't even notice that Mairah had left.


We had talked after that and cried together on the phone. She was begging me to leave her because she didn't want to come between a mother and her son; and a devotee and his faith. I begged her to give it another shot, saying I would never leave her, that I love her, that life would never be the same without her. My promises were mere words to her, she had told me, shecame back because she loved me, because she couldn't imagine having to go through life without me. For a few months we were fine and then my mother started suspecting that I was still seeing Mairah and picked on me all the time. We fought almost daily but I couldn't tell Mairah. Her guilt (through no fault of hers) would make her leave me & I didn't want to hurt her. Neither did I want to leave my mother. I loved them both.

But one day, I had a particularly huge fight with my mother and seeking comfort in Mairah's words, I called her. We talked casually and then Mairah started talking about the future and marriage, telling me she wanted 7 kids with me. She was her usual bubbly self and was laughing and talking non-stop. Still bitter about the fight with my mother earlier, I had said Do you want me to marry you?

"Of course I do! Who else would I marry silly?"
"But you're Muslim"
"And you're Hindu. So?" But she had detected the change in my voice and although she tried to sound chirpy, she came across as defensive.

"So I would have to convert to Islam wouldn't I?"
"Well . . yeah." She was unsure as to where this was going and how she had to approach the conversation. She realized jokes and her normal teasing was not going to help.

"So you want me to convert?"
"No dear, I dont."
"But you said you want to marry me. Won't I have to convert in order for that to happen?"
"Dear, why are you asking me all this?", pleading.
"Do you or do you not want to marry me Mairah?"
"I do Raj but . . "
"And do you think its fair that I leave my religion & my mother for you?"
"No I don't think its fair but . . "
"Tell me Mairah, would you leave your religion for me?"
"What? Raj, what are you saying?"
"Are you willing to convert for me Mairah?"
"Raj, converting isn't something to be played around with!"
"You know damn well that I'm not playing around Mairah. I had said that I would leave my family and religion for you but you've never said you would do the same for me."
"Raj . . please . ." I could hear the tears in her voice.
"Tell me Mairah! Would you?!" I shouted at the mouthpiece.
"Raj I love you. I really do. You know that . ."
"I don't care about that now. Will you convert or not?"
"I can't! I won't. I'm not going to convert."

After she said that, I blew my top and shouted at her, calling her a coward and a liar and said that she had never loved me. I said she was the most selfish person in the world and that I never wanted to see her again.


And I never did. Till today.